Wednesday, 17 August 2011

The Beginning..

I was Born in a small town in New Brunswick to a loving single teenage mother who struggled to make it through a world of hate, judgement,and a lack of resources. As far as i'm concerned my mother did the best job she could to provide me with a childhood that would strengthen me for my future and at the same time show the world that she could overcome statistics and raise a child who would accomplish great things.My life  to the age of 6 is pretty much a blur in my head, and the sad thing is the only things i can remember are the bad things that happened in my life. When i was 4 years old my mother trusted a friends child to babysit me as she went to do some groceries and while she was gone he sexually abused me, i never told my mom until i was 7 years old, the day my hamster king died, my mother said she knew something was wrong because i over reacted to the death of my hamster. To this day i still have not dealt with this abuse and it continues to control every aspect of my life. I've tried everything to deal with this, nothing worked and i gave up hope to heal my soul of the hurt in my life. 

 We struggled a lot in New Brunswick, we had to deal with a lot of hurt there and my mother decided that this was not where we belonged.  She sold all of our belongings, packed up our most valuable possessions and relocated us to Toronto to start a new life.When we arrived we stayed with my aunt who gave my mother 1 month to find a place and a job. She accomplished this and we started our new life. From the beginning my mother made it her goal to provide me with opportunity to have a successful future, unfortunately it didn't work out that way as we struggled and barely made it through hard times.  

My mother is a strong woman, she always has been, but like any other human beings she has made mistakes and followed the wrong path at times causing a rift between us. Our relationship has been anything but perfect, we've gone through some of the worst times a mother and daughter could have, but every single time we overcame every obstacle thrown in our path. we've experienced loss, heartbreak, anger, jealousy, resentment, happiness, hunger, pain you name it, my mother and i have gone through it. 

I'd like to say my life has been hard just to make it easy on myself when i feel upset about how things have come to be today, to be able to put the blame on something or someone else would be the easiest way out of my pain, but then i look at other stories, other peoples lives and i feel selfish for even feeling like my life has been hard. To a certain extent is has, I've gone through a lot of struggles and heartbreak, and sometimes i feel like I've let that control my life, it hurts to remember my past. I try and be the best person i can be, i aim to create a better life for myself, to be happy, to do the things i love most, but at times i feel like these things aren't meant to happen for everyone that some people just struggle their whole life to be happy and will never achieve greatness. I refuse to let that happen to me!

 I am now 26 years old and am a proud SINGLE mother of a 6 year old daughter. My greatest goal in life is to inspire and support my daughter to achieve success and happiness. I want her to be anything she wants to be and not feel that there are constant obstacles in her way. I don't want my daughter to feel, or face the same struggles i did growing up. I do everything that i can to provide her with a happy carefree childhood. As far as i'm concerned the only thing my daughter needs to worry about is being a kid and enjoying life. 

Everyday is a new challenge, some days i face it head on and some days i feel like laying in my bed in the dark and ignoring life. My goal is to resolve my issues and face them head on, i don't want to be afraid to live my life anymore. It's time for me to achieve greatness, it's time for me to be free of my pain and finally be happy. The time is NOW! This is my new beginning!!